Care and Feeding of the Megaplayboy
Rocky quickly gathered the staff in the kitchen at the Nightie nightclub.
"OK, everyone, I have been alerted that we have Mister Primero Lovemore coming. And he's not coming alone. This means we go into celeb mode, and I need everything ready in 30 minutes.
First, take the couch out of storage and place it in my office. Remove my desk and open the panel to see the dance floor. Put the spare velvet rope near the door. Until closing time, refer to that room as the Champagne Room.
Speaking of champagne, I need two buckets full of ice with the good stuff laying at an angle on top, label visible. But serve the house champagne unless Mister Primero requests otherwise. Remember not to get the labels wet, as we may need them for next time.
And apparently, for snacks, he wants French food. What have we got?"
"French fries and french bread," said the fry cook.
"That won't fly. "
"I could make crepes with the Sunday brunch pancake batter. But we don't get fruit in until tomorrow."
"Don't we have strawberry topping for ice cream sundaes? Use that."
"Got it."
"We need a French waiter. Pete. You still know how to speak French?"
Bien sûr que je fais, connard!
"What's that mean?"
"It means, of course I do, you asshole!"
"Perfect. You have the first shift, and for tonight, you are Pierre."
"The rest of you. Don't ignore the guy, but don't fawn over him, either. Just look...impressed. And remember to address any female guests by name, once they volunteer their names. Until then, they are madam or ma'am, not miss, missy, girl, baby, baby girl, or young lady. And presume any woman is his date, and not his daughter.
Do not attempt to charge Mister Lovemore, but take his tips. Cash only. His money really is no good here.
There's a blazer hanging in my office. Everyone who enters needs to be wearing it. Any questions?"
"No?"
"Go!"

Pete caught up with Rocky at the temporarily christened Champagne Room.
"Why are we doing all this? The old has-been puts his pants on the same way we do."
"Because when we put our pants on, we're not doing it at the Lovemore Mansion. And when he puts his pants on and shows up here, the paparazzi that we tip off also arrive, as do a bunch of curious paying customers who want to be seen around celebrities. And because when his date forgets to put her pants on, the international press will show our marquee along with her wardrobe malfunction.
So all I need from you is your cooperation, your accent, and your ability to accept hundreds as tips. Are we good?"
"Hundreds?"
"Hundreds."
Pete thought about it for a moment.
"Mais oui! But of course, Monsieur le manager!"
"Great, Pierre. Get to work!"
  • Keiryu I am already liking this Pete. As someone who speaks french himself. I can really relate to french speaking assholes. You know with the whole being one too. ^_^
  • HueHueBear "We need a French waiter. Pete. You still know how to speak French?"
    Bien sûr que je fais, connard!
    "It means, of course I do, you asshole!"

    It feels funny and awkward(cringe) at the same time, due to the grammar in the second sentence (and the first one as well, my Grammar-Nazi in me is angry D:) It feels like Google attempted to translate the sentence from English lol.